This past weekend, I had the honor and pleasure of attending my first virtual wedding. As is the case when I have the rare opportunity to be a guest at an in-person wedding, I observe the entire thing through the eyes of a planner. If the state of the world has led you to host your nuptials virtually, I have provided a few tips that can help you execute your virtual wedding without a glitch.

THE TECHNOLOGY

There are a few platforms you could use to host your virtual wedding including any of the live options on Facebook, Instagram or YouTube. Those are likely more familiar sites for any guests who aren’t tech savvy. I recommend using Zoom. It gives you the most control of the settings that I think are key here.

Zoom is a free service, however, the free version has a 40 minute time limit and a maximum capacity of 100 participants (your wedding guests). You can pay a nominal fee to upgrade to one of their membership options. This will allow you to have more people in attendance and for your virtual wedding to have no time limit.

The other advantage to Zoom is that you can create a unique meeting ID - or wedding invitation - and send it directly to those you want to invite (because you might not want all of your Facebook or Instagram followers in attendance if you go Live).

If your officiant needs to also perform the wedding virtually, he or she can serve as the “co-host” of the meeting. This will allow you to have a split screen showing the two of you getting married and your officiant leading the ceremony.

You may have already seen images of the Brady Bunch like squares that populate during a Zoom meeting. You can disable this feature on Zoom so guests won’t see each other, which I recommend. I also suggest the “mute-all” feature so the only sound produced will be from your officiant and the two of you.

You’ll need to email all of your guests ahead of time that the event will be taking place on Zoom so they can download the program, if they don’t already have it. And as it might be new to some, I recommend hosting a “rehearsal dinner” tech check. Send a separate link for a time the day before allowing your guests to feel confident they’ll be able to tune in for the big event. When you have the actual ceremony, be sure the event is recorded. This way you’ll be able to view it afterwards and share it with anyone who wasn’t able to stream it.

YOUR VISUAL AESTHETIC

Your guests will be watching a static shot of the two of you, so might as well make it a good one! Your guests want to be able to see you clearly, so try to find a background in your home that doesn’t distract. Even if you have a gorgeous backyard, I recommend keeping this indoors to provide better sound quality and WiFi signal strength. Next, ensure you prop up your computer on something so the camera is at least eye level with you. Then you need to make sure you can properly light the shot. You don’t want any lighting behind you, as that will cause you to be back lit. If you have opted to do the ceremony during the day and can get natural light, that is most ideal. If you will be doing this after the sun has set and the location doesn’t have sufficient lighting, you’ll need to get creative. Bring in every lamp you can and try to get the ceremony area as bright as possible.

See if there are other ways you can romanticize or soften the space. You can have two small tables with flowers on either side of you. If you happen to have a soft fabric at home, you can drape it to frame the two of you. Your guests will appreciate an improvised chuppah or canopy! Additionally, Zoom allows you to upload an image to display before the meeting starts. Select a photo of the two or design the text of a wedding program to serve as your prelude.

MAKE IT PERSONAL

This may no longer be happening at your dream venue, but it should still reflect the two of you and have as many personal touches as you’re capable of pulling off. Family heirlooms can be on display. Jewish couples can still sip from a kiddush cup and break a glass. Your vows can still be ones that you wrote.

These challenging times are also an opportunity to reflect on how we’ve been forced to exist. Have your officiant acknowledge that some of his or her words might cut out at some point, that your dog might bark or your cat might jump onto your laptop. Highlight what you’ve chosen to do for your guests, as they might not be able to recognize it all in their view. If you point out how you assembled your own bouquet from grocery store flowers or that an Indigo bottle of Purell is your “something blue,” your guests will feel more connected. You can still have music playing before and after. Choose songs with purpose. You could even have your first dance at the conclusion of the ceremony.

SET EXPECTATIONS

Determine your personal expectations from others and then communicate them. This rule that applies to any wedding still exists in the virtual world. If you think you’re unsure of what goes into a virtual wedding, so are your family and friends. Would you like a private FaceTime session with your parents before it starts? Perhaps you’d like your bridesmaids or groomsmen to virtually be in the room with you while you get ready. What do you want to happen after?

CELEBRATE!

As with an in-person wedding, your guests will likely want an opportunity to say congratulations. Create a separate meeting for your virtual “receiving line.” You can change the settings so guests can see one another and be able to speak. Encourage everyone to grab the beverage of their choice like its cocktail hour. Have your celebratory drink prepped beforehand so you can raise a glass to your guests. Depending on how many people you have attending, you might encourage guests to mute themselves unless they are speaking. You can also create an order for these toasts if there will be several. If there is someone in particular you definitely would like to speak here, be sure to let them know in advance so they are prepared.

These are challenging times for all of us. Remember the brightest moments are often the unexpected, especially when filled with love and a feeling of connection.

Here it is boys. Here it is world. Here’s Jason Mitchell Kahn and Co.

Last month I officially launched a dream of mine that’s been in the works for years: my very own company dedicated to everything I want to do with my career. Beyond making campy references whenever possible, my goals are quite diverse. I landed on the name Jason Mitchell Kahn & Co. because I liked the sound and nod to showbiz. I’ve divided it into three categories: Events, Stories, and Lifestyle.

As weddings are what I love, they’ll comprise the majority of my event division, but I’m through accepting limits, cause someone says they’re so. (Too much?) I’ve cried tears of joy watching a gay boy living his best life at his Bar Mitzvah...so maybe that’s another calling. If I feel passionate about a project and can put my heart into it then deal me in. I’m even producing my first runway show this summer for Men’s Vows Magazine during the first Aspen Summer Holiday! More to come on that later . . .

I’ve published two plays, The Boys Upstairs and The Red Box, along with the first Gay Wedding Guide: Getting Groomed, but I have so many other stories to tell. I’m currently working on a TV series about weddings, begun a new play, started my first kids book, and a memoir with my sister. I even have a killer outline for Big Business 2, my favorite 80’s movie of all time. But I digress...point being, with the launch of my own company, I’ll finally have the time to focus these words onto paper, and I couldn’t be more excited to share them with you.

While this initial post is to share my company’s vision, I’ll be covering a plethora of topics (all with my sense of humor) in the weeks to come. The number one question I get asked as a wedding planner is “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen at a wedding?” To be honest, I never have a great answer. Either I’ve been very lucky with the type of clients I’ve attracted or my own lack of interest in Bridezilla behavior has resulted in very smooth sailing. Instead, I’d love to focus on sharing the best and most meaningful stories with you. I find tremendous beauty in watching my couples overcome the challenges they face. In the first two weddings I’ve done this year, I had a groom whose father refused to attend because he didn’t accept gay marriage and a bride who lost both her parents in the same year. I want to share these first-hand stories, as well as inspiration, style, and anything you may want my opinion on. I want to hear from you!

I love having a diverse clientele and planning weddings for all types of couples. I’ve learned a lot since authoring the first and only wedding planner for gay grooms. Even with all of the progress made and gay marriage no longer being a niche concept, the wedding industry predominantly revolves around brides and heteronormative trend. This is why I’m developing a lifestyle division. And it’s not intended just for same-sex couples, although if you google gay cake-toppers you’ll roll your eyes like Anderson Cooper! I’ve experienced tremendous joy in hearing from female readers who discovered Getting Groomed and preferred it to the other options marketed towards them. I have several ideas, and If you feel there’s something missing from the market I’d love to hear from you.

In closing let me raise a glass:

Here’s to new ideas and passion.

Here’s to a Trump-free future

Here’s to the good times and bad times.

AND HERE'S TO YOU!

Your Story. Expertly Told. With Love.

J.M.K.